Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Caution, hot coffee

Crazy Train (of thought)

Should I be worried that our family sing-along song is Brad Paisley’s “Alcohol”?

If I looked up and saw my wife on national TV complaining that the movie Curious George promotes cruelty to animals and she forbids the children from watching it, I would get in my car, go get the kids and take them to the movie while the men in the white suits driving the padded van had a little conversation with my wife.

When will we understand that it is the bonehead ideas like banning the game of Tag from school that has created the culture of whining adults screaming “It’s not fair” when reality kicks them in the arse?

Quote of the Day: “Don’t you hate it when a bugger dries to the inside of your nose and sticks like shrink wrap?” - Anonymous

Marital Bliss

I really believe that men and women would be happier in their relationships if they were getting the recognition and appreciation that is deserved. It is the littlest things that count so much. I’d rather be thanked for a day to day thing than applauded for taking the family on vacation. That is why Jill’s letter to me means so much. When she writes, “Thank you for doing all the grocery shopping and cooking. I live like a Princess,” she motivates me to do even more for her. Humor helps, too. When she writes, “Thank you for not killing my dog when she has a poopie on our most expensive rug,” I give that little doodoo machine another stay of execution.


Meagan is just seven weeks away from getting her license. Although she drives pretty well, she still has a few things to master, like judging how close she is driving to the curb. I told her several times yesterday to move toward the center of the lane, and she told me I was worried about nothing. Just then she slammed into a curb. As the Rover began its second revolution of a triple axel, I saw the hot lava of coffee erupting over the rim of my cup. In the corner of my eye I saw a sign in front of a church that said “The end is near.” I heard myself screaming like a girl when I realized my boys were covered in lava. Then I heard Meagan laughing as she managed to regain control of the car.
“Dad, you look like you wet your pants,” she said.
“I told you,” I managed to say through clenched teeth.
“Let’s not tell anybody about that,” she suggested.
Yeah, let’s not.

Today’s Rant

I like to listen to my music loud from time to time, but I had the home training to know to turn it down when I stop at a traffic light, cuz the guy next to me might not like my tunes. I guess it is one of those courtesies that are fading with time. Perhaps that explains why some of these little hoodlums driving $10 cars on $10,000 wheels keep their junk cranked up so high that the windows in my car vibrate when they pull alongside me. Hey buddy, when you’re deaf, don’t come crying to me.

Book Report

More confessions from the writing desk – yes, authors also check their sales ranking on Amazon.com and the Barnes and Noble website. We like it when our numbers climb.

It has been fun to see a few of my books translated in foreign languages, but now I don’t know what to do when I get fan mail written in Spanish and Korean.

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