Monday, February 06, 2006

Why I Love You

Crazy Train (of thought)

Why do some restaurants turn the lights down so low you can’t see the color of your food?

My wife insists that ice is a rock, thus explaining the term “on the rocks.” This is why I do all the cooking at our house.

Quote of the weekend, from one sister to the other – “I’m going to teach your children how to do all the bad stuff!”

Second place quote – “It took us longer to eat here than it took us to fly to New York!” The service at Serendipity was excruciatingly slow, but the smile on the kids’ faces when the dessert came almost made up for it.

Compliment of the weekend – “Dad, I love you like a fat kid loves cake!”

Why does everyone rush the gate when the plane begins to board? It really isn’t going to leave you behind. Sit down and listen for your row to be called!

Marital Bliss

My drop-dead-gorgeous wife inspires me in so many ways, and especially in my writing. In addition to my books, I write cards for Blue Mountain Arts. My first published card is titled “It is so Easy to be in Love With You.”

You are so kind and attentive,
generous and affectionate,
giving and unselfish.
I cannot imagine another in the world
that compares to you...

You are the most wonderful person
I have ever met,
more wonderful than anyone I have dreamed of,
and you surprise me still each time we are together.
With your sweet, loving gestures
you reassure me that you do indeed love me, too.
I am so honored to be the object of your affection,
and I am so completely devoted to you
in every way --
romantic, physical, philosophical, and spiritual.
I know that with you I will have a better life,
a life that I alone could not have made for myself.
You overshadow all the bad memories
of my past,
and you shine above all the good ones.

I love you. I have an unquenchable thirst for you,
a wonderfully intense craving
for your company, and
a great sorrow when we are apart.
I dread the pain of your absence
when you are not near.
You are essential to me, the source of my happiness.
I believe we were made for each other, and
I am determined to give you anything
and everything you have hoped for,
and then some…
because I love you so much.


“How does deja-vu work?” Meagan asked.
“It’s a neurological glitch, when the right and left hemispheres are not synchronized when encoding a memory,” I explained.
“What?” Linley asked, as Meagan rolled her eyes at me.
“Memories are stored on both sides of your brain. Do you know what that part of the brain that connects the hemispheres is called?”
“Juicy stuff?” Meagan said.
"The badulla,” Jill interjected.
I rolled my eyes. “No, it’s the corpus callosum. It connects the hemispheres and coordinates the transfer of…,” I continued.
“I prefer to think it’s magical,” Jill said.
“Yes, it’s magical!” Linley shrieked.
“You’re such a freak, Dad,” Meagan concluded.

Today’s Rant

I get so enraged when I listen to these bed-wetting liberal idealists running their mouth on the news. Proceed with caution when dealing with Iran? Respect their rights? Try to work it out diplomatically? WHAT DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND????!!! They have a moral imperative to kill us! You can’t reason with that! If a bear came at you in the forest, would you first try to explain your believe in animal rights? Not me, I’d shoot the damn thing.

Book Report

The book I wrote for my wife while she was my fiancé is titled “Why I Love You.” It is currently featured by a number of national book sellers as a recommended Valentine’s Day gift. It is a collection of statements about the things people do for one another that endears the heart. Here is an excerpt from the introduction…

“When it comes to falling in love there are, I think, two kinds of people. The first is one who has a well-laid plan by which they seek a partner that possesses certain preferred qualities and characteristics. Upon finding such a person, they pursue a cautious and measured courtship, waiting for signs of reassurance before giving in to feelings of attachment, never taking too much risk, slowly and incrementally revealing more about themselves, until a respectable time has passed and a sense of comfort has been attained, before ever coming near uttering those three powerful words, ‘I love you.’

The second kind has no such plan or patience for caution. They will think nothing of the risk being taken when investing in someone, nor will they bother to proceed carefully, but will choose instead to reveal everything about themselves to whoever wishes to know them. These are the people who believe in serendipity, who trust their feelings and are led by their heart, who are on a relentless quest to find, earn, and keep love in their lives. These are the people who do not tiptoe into love, but instead know only to dive in, head first, with abandon. I am one of these people.”

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