Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Black Cat

Crazy Train (of thought)

You take a stunning, outrageously good looking woman and put a cigarette in her mouth, and she loses all appeal for me. I thought there was nothing more unsightly, until the other day. I saw a stunning, outrageously good looking too- sexy-to-describe-in-PG-terms woman roll her window down and then launch an oyster. Yuck. She’s nasty.

On the same trip, I saw a Chihuahua hanging her (wearing a pink fuzzy collar) head out the car window, barking at its reflection in the mirror. It reminded me of a time when one of Meagan’s girlfriends came running back to the table to tell us how she saw a girl in the restaurant bathroom wearing the same dress she had on, only to realize a minute later it was her own reflection in a floor-to-ceiling mirror. “I did that once,” Meagan said. Must be a girl thing.

Don’t you hate it that it can take 10 days to drop 5 pounds but only one night out on the town to put it all back on?

Marital Bliss

Jill brought back a new Minnie doll from Orlando to add to her collection. She’s wearing a green dress and a t-shirt that says “Kiss me, I’m Irish.” No thanks; still looks like a rat to me. But thanks, Jill, for thinking of my heritage when you picked her out. Now you kiss me, grá mo chroí, go síoraí. Here's to you, here's to me, the best of friends we'll always be.


Meagan and I were out shopping for a prom dress the other day. As I sat waiting for her to come out of the dressing room, another young lady came out in her dress selection and turned in the mirror for her parents to see. She was absolutely beautiful. I turned to the dad. “I bet it seems like it was only yesterday when she was in overalls and asking you to pick her up,” I said.
“That’s so true,” he said.
Just then Meagan stepped out in her dress, looking equally beautiful. “There’s my little girl,” I boosted.
“They don’t stay little very long, do they?” he said.
“No, not long enough,” I admitted. We looked at each other, sharing in that moment the bond between two fathers devoted to their daughters, struggling to balance pride in the woman she is becoming and longing for the little girl that used to be. He shuffled his feet and cleared his throat. I prayed I wouldn’t start crying. For a split-second I think he wanted to hug me in brotherly acknowledgement.
“Does this dress show too much of my boobs?” one of the girls asked.
He and I stared at each other, not saying it but daring the other to look. We finally grunted, nodded to one another, and turned back to our little girls, our machismo in tact, their dignities preserved, our wallets only moments away from being purged.

Today’s Rant

So what if Osama Ben Laden’s niece wants to be a supermodel. She isn’t that pretty, I’m sure she has to wax her lip, she probably won’t get her freak on, and she’s a whiner. The only reason she is getting air time is because of who her uncle is. And that’s a plus? I don’t get it.

Book Report

Here is an email I received recently:

“I just wanted to say thank you for writing the book WHY A DAUGHTER NEEDS A DAD. My sister bought it for my husband. I just happened to read through it this morning and found myself crying and smiling. It targets everything a girl needs to grow into a beautiful emotionally rounded woman. It brought back many great memories I shared with my father and still today we have a bond that is truly a blessing in my life. I pray my daughter and husband share those wonderful chapters as she grows.”

I love it when I get this kind of feedback. It makes me laugh when I remember that among the 62 rejection letters I have on file for this book, one is from a female editor for a New York publisher who called this book “an insult to intelligent women.” Over 500,000 copies sold. How intelligent do you feel now, darlin’???

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