Wednesday, April 26, 2006


Crazy Train (of thought)

Isn’t there something flawed about chanting “We’re going to stay in the USA” while waving a Mexican flag?

So the Desperate Housewives are size 00. Yuck. What grown man wants people to mistake his woman for a 10 year old girl?

A missive I received recently from someone commenting on another: “When people don't let go of the pain from the past it continues to live in them and come out in many mean and horrible ways.” Yep. I think it rots their guts, too.

If you like the life you have (or wife, or job, or whatever), you probably shouldn’t be telling people you could’ve done better.

My Grandfather once told me, “Be careful where you lay your traps, lest you step in one yourself.”

Why are squeeze bottles shaped in such a way you can never get all the stuff out?

Marital Bliss

Every couple eventually invents a few phrases that sound innocent enough but which hold a secret meaning. Here are a few I’ve heard recently:

1. “Shall we sit and visit?” Meaning – I’d like to make out, how about you?
2. “Is the park open?” Translated – Are you in the mood for … well, you get it.
3. “I’ve got something for you!” - I think you get that one, too.
4. “Sounds like a prepay.” – If you want me to do that, I need you to do something for me first (wink-wink).
5. “You are the most beautiful woman God ever created.” - Thank you for opening the park.


As Linley and I were going to school this morning she listened to a local urban radio station, singing along to the hip-hop lyrics. “Sorry you aren’t as gangster as me,” she teased.
“You’re a gangster?”
“Yes,” she said, flashing some kind of gesture with her hands.
“A little white girl in a plaid skirt riding in a Porsche on your way to private school?”
“Hey, 50 Cent has a bunch of Porsches!”
“Last time I looked, he wasn’t a little white girl in a plaid skirt.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m not gangster.”
“You play the oboe in the band.”
“Oh, yeah.”

Book Report

I recently sent an email to fans announcing the release of my newest book, LIFE MAPS. I included this excerpt from its introduction:

“As Meagan drove she remarked once more that she worried about becoming lost, that she needed to practice using a map. I realized then that I had less than a year to teach my child all I wanted her to know before she became fully licensed and able to drive off without me alongside to help her find her way. I imagined her going into the world alone, driving to her first job, leaving for college, going on road trips with friends between semesters, hoping she would not lose her way. I thought of all the things I wanted to warn her about, the things I wanted to make sure she could handle, and the many other life tasks she would need to master on her own one day.

As I looked out of the car window, the old sting of loss and worry about her eventual departure came back to me. I know I have to let my child go. I cannot keep her under my wing, not that she would she let me. Yet I asked myself, how do I let my daughter go before I am certain she is ready for what she will face? How do I prepare my stepdaughter, Linley? I thought of Meagan’s fear of becoming lost and my own fear of her losing her way. I suddenly wanted to write down some directions for driving, even for living, and stuff them into the folds of the maps in the glove box. I smiled as I imagined her pulling off the road one day to refer to a map, unfolding it and my hand-scribbled notes falling into her lap. ‘Don’t drive too fast,’ ‘Follow at a safe distance,’ ‘Keep a diary,’ ‘Laugh often,’ and ‘Come home now and then,’ they would say.”

I was overwhelmed with the responses that have come in over the next several days. People told me of events in their lives, thoughts on their minds and feelings in their heart. Some of these people I have never met and probably never will, yet they are friends, friends who share something in common with me, love of their family. I have enjoyed many gains since I began writing four years ago, not the least of which is the love and support of people around the country who though they have never seen me, have welcomed me into their homes to sup at their table. I say again, I am blessed, very, very blessed.

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