Monday, July 24, 2006

Family Follies

Crazy Train (of thought)

I posted this Monday night because I am leaving early and will be in NYC all day on Tuesday on a photo shoot. Enjoy!

As we were driving to FL the girls had a rather lively discussion in the car with Linley’s companion going on and on about her boyfriend and their break-ups and make-ups. When asked if she had ever had a boyfriend, Linley answered with something to the effect of why would a 12 year old be tied down dating in the first place? I chirped in, “Yeah, why limit yourself to one boy when you could be going around kissing all the boys.” “Exactly,” Linley responded, sending Jill into a convulsion that included spewing mocha frappuccino onto the dashboard.

Sometimes I’m just plain evil. I convinced Meagan’s friend that fish sticks are made from stick fish and the time zone changed when crossing the GA border into FL – it is set back 15 minutes to allow a little more time for all the old people driving around down there.

Linley claims she hears voices. We tried to explain to her it was her conscience, but she kept insisting she didn’t have one.

Speaking of not having a conscience, one of my cousins told the story of how she and some gangster buddies broke into the administration building at college and stole the Honor Code plaque off the wall and then hung it over their sofa. They toasted it each time they did a shooter. That’s my motto – if you’re going to drink, don’t lie about it!

Linley also informed us she wants to name her daughter Nova Scotia and her son, Finland, but she’s going to call him Tater.

Spending nearly 1,000 miles in a car and three days at a destination where it is hotter than Hell’s kitchen and you inevitably get sand in your crack, is a vacation ripe for a little parent-child conflict. Meagan and I had such a tiff. Yet she has a forgiving and loving heart; she doesn’t stay mad at me for too long. Just last night she sent me a text-message that said “I love you more than infinity.” I wanted to drop every thing and go kiss her.

I got some great photos for my next book while at the beach. I love carrying my camera around, it always rouses curiosity. For instance, last night I was in Atlanta walking the streets after dark with colleagues learning how to take night photos. People in cars kept stopping to ask what we were doing. We soon tired of answering that we were in a photography class, so we began to say we were paparazzi stalking a celebrity. It didn’t take long for the same cars to be seen driving around and around the block, everyone inside craning their necks looking up into hotel windows.

Marital Bliss

This is an excerpt from a real conversation a Bubba wearing a NASCAR hat tried to have with one of my cousins while wading in the ocean:

“Hey,” he said, swaggering up beside her.
“Hi, how are you?”
“Good. You married?”
“Yes, I’m married. And you?”
“Me too, but she likes my cousin. My wife says I need to find me a special friend.”
“I’m sorry to hear about that.”
“You got any friends?”
“Yes, plenty of very good friends.”
“Need a special one?”
“Not really, I’m married.”
“Who’s she?” he asked, pointing to another cousin of mine.
“My cousin.”
“She married?”
“No.”
“She need any friends?”
“No.”
“She probably don’t like the track anyway.”
“Probably not.”
“OK, bye.”
“Bye.”

Poor guy. I think he should move away from his cousin.

Kid-bytes

So when we were in Jacksonville with all the cousins we made time to go to the tracks to bet on the dogs. I’d never done it before and had no idea how, but the girls were all excited so we made the best of it in spite of our ignorance. For example, when viewing the dogs to determine which to bet on, I asked the handlers which one was a Pisces, which liked sushi, and I asked if I could see their teeth. That strategy didn’t seem to work too well so we next went to a survey of their unmentionables. We decided large bells were not good because they got in the way of running, but a large clapper was probably all right. That didn’t make much money either (there’s probably a moral in there but I’ll save it for another time). Finally the girls decided to choose their dog based on which wore the prettiest outfit, and somehow that worked. It worked once and Meagan’s friend won $20 bucks. I guess Meagan is right, fashion is everything.

Book Report

I made a promise in a prayer that if I found success as a writer I would be as charitable as possible and support numerous service-oriented causes. There is an organization in Atlanta that supports medically fragile foster children called the Dream House. It is currently undertaking a fund raising effort that involves selling bricks that are to be inscribed with a message from the donor. The bricks will be placed along a handicapped accessible path called The Walk of Dreams. Jill and I donated a meaningful sum. Remembering my prayer and being immeasurably grateful for the blessings that have come to me and my family, I wanted our brick engraved with something other than our name, something that honored our blessings. The brick we purchased will say “The Lord is our Shephard.” I hope it will come to mean something to those that one day will stroll along the Walk of Dreams. Thank you, my readers. Your support of my books makes these gestures possible.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Greg, OMG, I am in tears laughing so hard. And I was there for all of that!!! Unbelievable, isn't it? But it sure makes for good stories...