Friday, July 28, 2006

Short 'n Sweet

Crazy Train (of thought)

Jill and I ate Ethiopian food the other day – they do a great job with vegetables, especially collards. Only problem is, collards make me gassy. It’s a good thing we have a convertible.

Later in the evening we were watching a show about corrective surgery and saw a segment where a child with a deformed skull underwent an operation. They peeled back his face, removed the skull, sawed it into different pieces, and flipped them around and put it back together. He healed and now has a normal head. I looked down at Princess, our smashed faced part Pug, part Pekinese special needs child. “I’ll be right back,” I said. “Where are you going?” Jill asked. “To get my hack saw,” I answered. The wife and dog were gone when I came back in from the garage.

Speaking of dogs, while in NYC I saw a pet clinic that offered dog massages. Reckon how they get a dog to lie down on a table? Do they burn dog bone incense?

Sometimes I have a lapse in judgment, like today when I went outside early in the AM to get my paper dressed only in boxers. Wouldn’t you know it; three neighbors stopped me for a pre-dawn conversation.

Jill has a problem with depth perception and her car has a very sloping hood. She has been asking me since she got it to hang a tennis ball from the garage ceiling to help her know when to stop pulling up to the wall. I’ve been lazy about it and haven’t done it. The other day I borrowed the go-kart and took it for a spin, and when I returned home, I proceeded into the garage and ran right into the wall. There now hangs an orange dinosaur from the ceiling. When it rests its rear on the windshield, stop.

Marital Bliss

Jill spent last night in a resort 30 miles from home with 22 other school teachers in a planning conference for the new school year. From her phone calls I knew she was disappointed we would not be kissing one another goodnight. At 10:30 I got in the SUV and drove up there, called her and asked her what she was doing. “Wishing I were with you,” she said. “Then come outside,” I responded. We spent nearly an hour together acting like teenagers in love, and then I drove home, leaving my wife with a smile on her face. Take a hint, gentlemen: Do the things other wives wish their husbands would do, not the things other wives are glad their husbands don’t do.

Kid-bytes

You know you are raising your kids right when they walk through the den while you are watching the news and say “Fox News rocks!”

Book Report

No book news today.

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