Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Stand back ....

I’m on a roll…

Crazy Train (of thought)

The girls daydream that I will become a millionaire and then buy everyone the car of their dreams. Linley has asked for a Porsche Camero. Honey, I can get one of those for you right now from any redneck junkyard.

Yesterday I was standing in line at check-out behind a very agitated man who wanted to return a radar detector. His reason? He had gotten a speeding ticket. There’s just no accounting for stupid, is there?

Ever met a man who has PMS? Apparently they exist. Poor things. I wonder if they have man breasts, too?

My neighbor is an NFL player; he is very large and impressively strong. We happen to go to the same gym. Reckon why he laughed when I asked if he needed me to spot him?

Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! Head On! Apply directly to the forehead! I hate that commercial! Head on, smack that producer directly in the forehead!

I know my body so well I can always tell when I’m losing weight. It’s when I’m starving!

When one claims to be a better Christian than another, I wonder, how is he going to prove it?

Sometimes it never occurs to you that two things can go well together until you get introduced to it, like a soft poached egg over left over pizza for breakfast, or pineapple in balsamic vinegar reduction for dessert. I encountered such a combination yesterday after I bought a new CD. It was Johnny Cash singing the Gordon Lightfoot song, “If You Could Read My Mind.” I don’t know if it was because of how raw and spare he recorded it, or because these were among the last words he sang, but the song brought tears to my eyes. I hit Repeat three times.

The day a man begins to treat his wife like chattel is the day he proves he does not deserve her (and sooner than that, I bet her Daddy knew all along his son-in-law was undeserving).

Marital Bliss

We do not take Princess on trips with us (I had to put my foot down somewhere); she stays with my in-laws. We always take them to dinner afterward, Jill says as a “reward.” I always thought of it as their compensation due for pain and suffering. I’m sure I owe them money still. Speaking of rewards, I think Jill owes me a little something for not yet giving in to the temptation to rid myself of that dog. Honey…! Back rub, please!

Kid-bytes

We are on the road for only two nights, and I asked the girls to pack light – we are taking two additional companions so there will be six in the SUV and less room for baggage. They listened so well I had to go out and purchase a cargo rack that fits on the trailer hitch. Perhaps if I just stopped carrying their bags like a mule and made them drag them for themselves, they’d pack less. Then again, one of them is sure to smack me in the head trying to get a suitcase in the overhead compartment. What’s better, a sore back or a head injury?

Book Report

I hope this post was entertaining enough to last you for a few days. We are leaving shortly to go to Florida for the rest of the week; I have several models scheduled for photo shoots on the beach for a book coming out next Spring, and a book signing to attend in Jacksonville. We are also seeing several members of our family who are meeting us there to share in the fun, and we are stopping along the way on the return leg to see my parents. Whew, lots of miles, lots of hugs; looking forward to all of it! I hope you have a nice week, and see you again on Monday!

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