Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Apples and Banananananananas

Crazy Train (of thought)

I saw a sign at a new commercial construction site that read “Only three left!” There were only four units in the first place. I guess that’s what we call spin.

I observed a nice articulate East Indian woman trying to help a redneck Georgia woman try to use the self-service scanner at the grocery checkout. Frustrated she couldn’t get it right, the redneck blurted out, “If you ain’t gonna speak good English, you ought not be allowed to work here.” Welcome to America; welcome to Georgia.

It drives me nuts the way coffee vendors always ask “Would you like a muffin, a brownie or one of our new CDs with that?” What if every business went for that additional impulse buy – “Would you like an AirStream with that new truck?” or “Can I get you a new pair of jeans to go with those new shoes?” Meagan would shop in that store I’m sure.

Listening to the radio today I heard a news lead-in that sounded like “Georgia High Schools Decide How to Deal with Athletes in Heat.” It made me wonder, aren’t all students in high School in heat?

The great heroes of the contemporary South are Jesus, Ronny Van Zant and Dale Earnhardt, and unfortunately, not necessarily in that order.

Someone who read “Simple Acts: Creating Happiness for Yourself and Those You Love,” my latest book that lists 500 ways to stir happiness, left a message for me that said, “I’ve already done numbers 86, 114, 374, and 390, and I’m going to do number 37 tomorrow.” What? I’m sorry honey, I don’t have them memorized.

Marital Bliss

A joke a friend sent to me yesterday…

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would youspend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."

Maybe not blissful, but funny all the same.


When I picked Linley up from cheerleading practice she wanted to plug her iPOD into my Rover speakers, which are pretty loud at 240 watts. She rolled down her window and proceeded to play her favorite songs at top volume, hanging her head out the window for all her fellow cheerleaders to see and hear. Later, as we were driving home, volume still up, I asked her if she had any Raffi songs. She quickly shuffled to a new song and began singing “Apples and Bananas” at the top of her lungs. It wasn’t until we were pulling away from a red light, when she noticed someone staring at her, that she realized she also still had her window down.

Book Report

I have been handing out promotional copies of my latest book, “Simple Acts,” to friends and neighbors who posed for its various pictures depicting the happiness creating acts I describe in it. I’ve had to leave several by the door or in mailboxes when the intended recipient wasn’t home. It has been fun getting phone calls from adults and kids alike who are delighted to see themselves in print. One family in particular with three children who have posed wants to make a fieldtrip to one of the bookstores to actually see the book on a shelf, and I’m invited to go along and then have lunch afterward. Who would’ve thunk it – my work is so much fun!

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