Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Lite Beans, please

Crazy Train (of thought)

On the one hand children complain you don’t spend enough time with them, and on the other they are rushing you to get home because the new TV season begins in 20 minutes. This is why all good parents eventually turn to alcohol. It’s better to be confused and numb than just confused.

A guy at a utilities company stopped me and asked if he could review my account to see if I’m getting “the best deal” they had to offer. “So in other words,” I responded, “you want to make sure I am paying as little as possible for your services, is that right?” “Not exactly,” he said. Just what I thought.

It’s kind of flattering when your fans call and complain if you don’t post everyday (hey Deb!). So in case I don’t post in the next few days, it’s because I have a failing monitor driver and need to take my PC to the computer hospital.

I had to go to the store to buy more shampoo. As I stood there I realized why it is call SHAMpoo. Shampoo for bouncy hair, colored hair, thinning hair, weak hair, curly hair, sensitive hair, blonde hair (that label had pictures on it whereas the others simply gave directions for use), static hair, there was herbal and citrus shampoo, organic shampoo, anti-allergy shampoo, etc. I wonder, rather than make me stand there dazed while weighing the ramifications of more or less body, why don’t they just give the stuff simple names, like Hispoo and Herpoo? On second thought, never mind.

Marital Bliss

Today is my Jill’s 40th birthday. I can’t leak the details yet, but I’ve been planning something for her for weeks. I’ll give the scoop tomorrow. I can say, because she has already begun to find them, I gave her 40 birthday cards. They are scattered here and there for her to find all throughout the day, each signed in red, her favorite color, with a message of love. Happy Birthday my Beloved!

Kid-bytes

Linley came to me and asked, “Can we go to Target?”
“What do you need to buy?” I asked.
“Nothing, I just want to look around.”
“In other words, you want to find something to spend money on.”
“Must you insist on putting it that way?”
“I thought you already spent all of your allowance.”
“Can I have an advance?”
“Your mother and I don’t believe in advances. It defeats the purpose of learning how to live on a budget.”
“Can I apply for a grant?”
Kids; where do they get this stuff?

And then Meagan and I were going out for a daughter-dad dinner…

“Where do you want to go?” I asked.
“You decide.”
“Sushi?”
“Nothing weird, please.”
“Pho?”
“Something light.”
“Like what?”
“Dad, you decide.”
“Sandwiches?”
“Something very light.”
“Salad?”
“How about barbeque and baked beans?” she asked.
“I just hope you pick a place where they serve beer,” I conceded. See what I mean?

Book Report

While at lunch with a friend I was told about a day when she attended a motivational speech given by a wheel-heeled fellow of some local fame. Apparently this gentleman stood before a paying crowd of hundreds of people and told them about a book that changed his life. Guess which one it was – Why a Daughter Needs a Dad. I’m delighted to get the free advertisement, sure, and pleased the book continues to touch so many lives. But I do have just one question. Why didn’t they pay me to give that speech? I happen to know a lot about it.

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